


Float away on a sea that burns

by K___Kelly



Series: I Have Passed Through Fire [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drunk Keyleth (Critical Role), Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Keyleth Character Study (Critical Role), Keyleth needs help, Keyleth-centric (Critical Role), Minor Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Minor Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Vex'ahlia, Post Dread Emperor Arc, Pre-Stream (Critical Role), Somebody hug my disaster druid, Vox Machina becoming a family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22741231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K___Kelly/pseuds/K___Kelly
Summary: Keyleth might have been an alcoholic if she wasn't a lightweight with good friends
Relationships: Keyleth & Vox Machina, Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III & Keyleth, Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III & Vex'ahlia
Series: I Have Passed Through Fire [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635151
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	Float away on a sea that burns

Every time she picks up a glass heavy with liquid fire she hears a little voice whisper her name in the back of her mind. _Keyleth._ It is soft, insistent, and scolding. It doesn’t sound like Pike so it’s probably her mother. But she doesn’t remember what her mother sounds like, not really, so she ignores it. The rim of the vessel hits her lips and she tips it forward, overeager for the burning sensation, followed by the blessed numbness. The price is measured in headaches and nausea, but always seems worth it for the hours bought without anxious thoughts or cruel voices in her mind. The visage of her friends becomes a little wobbly, but she no longer reads extraneous meaning into their expressions. Every smile is genuine and every mask perfectly in place. Temporary bliss until her head hits the table or more likely an armored shoulder. Most of the time they catch her but every once and awhile they are caught up in a drinking contest or a heated debate and no one looks over in time to see the druid swaying until they hear the dull _thunk_ as her head hits the table. Then they all look over to see red hair splayed and soaked in cheap ale, the circlet crooked and the tankard beside her spilt. Guilt permeates their features. They should have been watching they should know better by now than to let their resident lightweight have more than one drink even when they’re on a full-fledged pub crawl. It’s always a joke how Kiki can’t handle her liquor, but there is note of genuine concern tucked behind the good-natured teasing. She never leaves a tavern without getting drunk. The first few times they though it was an accident. Eventually they realized it wasn’t. 

“Whoa whoa whoa! Kiki slow down we’re only at the first tavern save some ale for the rest of us.”

Vax teases Keyleth and gently moves the tankard away from her before she can call for a refill.

“I’m fine I’ve only had two ales…or maybe three?”

He nods and hands her a mug of water. “Here, drink this.”

She takes the mug and drinks the water messily; it drips down her chin and a few strands of curly red hair are drowned in the well-meaning cup.

She drinks about half and then crows.

“Next tavern!” 

She stands up too quickly, already swaying on her feet. All the lights in the tavern have become pulsing pinpoints of light. Stars. Warm and so close you can touch them. All of the shapes around her are familiar, the loudness doesn’t pierce between her eyes the way it usually does. It washes over her, easy and smooth. There is no need to speak and chatter, to try and drown out all of the unpleasant thoughts and doubts that usually prey on her. 

A chorus of agreement follows her cry. Pike and Grog both tear out the door in the direction of the next bar on their usual list. Scanlan walks away from his shot glass to follow Pike out, and while Vax and Percy aren’t looking she grabs it and shoots it. They didn’t see her drink it, but the squished expression on her face is a dead giveaway.

“Keyleth are you quite alright?”

She nods toward Percy, eyes bright, face grinning almost too widely, still swaying slightly. She steps forward to reassure him and has to catch herself against the table.

“Me? ‘M fine just happy. See?”

Her words have already become concerningly slurred. She grabs his hand and puts it over her chest so he can feel her heartbeat fluttering, but not racing like it usually would be in such a crowded place. 

“Keyleth, I’m glad you are happy, but I’m worried that you might be a little _too_ happy.”

She laughs, loud and reckless, snorting, without any concern for being too loud, without worrying that she might be annoying or abrasive. 

“Silly Percy you can’t be too happy, it’s impossible!” She throws her arms up for emphasis nearly knocking herself and Percy over with the sudden movement.

“Sorry, sorry”.

She apologizes, giggling and leaning against Percy to right herself.

“I’m a little clumsy, but that’s okay. Vex and Vax and you more than make up for my gracelessness”

He helps her sit down in the booth as he scans the busy crowd for familiar heads of dark hair. A flash of familiar blue catches his eye.

“Vex!”

He calls out and gestures with a ‘come here’ jerk of his now messy head of white hair. 

_‘What is it?’_

She mouths to him. At this point she’s started teaching him to read lips and he’s quite good, a very fast learner. He mouths back.

‘ _I think someone ought to take Keyleth home’_.

Vex looks at the unsteady druid who has a goofy grin plastered on her face and shrugs.

‘ _She’s fine, just keep an eye on her make sure she doesn’t fall on her face’._

Pike’s bright cheery voice rings from the doorway.

“Vex, Vax, Percy, Keyleth are you coming?”

“Coming dear.”

Vex responds easily and rolls her eyes before going to help Percy set Keyleth back on her feet. 

“Vex you’re so pretty you have such nice skin and pretty hair…”

“I know, thank you darling.”

Percy tries to hide his smirk at her response. 

“My hair isn’t that pretty but that’s okay because your hair is pretty, and Vax’s hair is pretty and Percy’s and Pike’s and so mine doesn’t have to be!”

Vex and Percy frown exchanging a glance. 

“What do you mean darling?”

Keyleth tilts her head and smiles at the swinging lanterns and dusty globes that still look vaguely like stars.

“Well sometimes people look at me like I’m supposed to have something, there are things I’m just supposed to know, that should be a part of me that aren’t, and I used to disappoint them all, but not anymore because you have them, all the things I don’t. I don’t have to be special because you are all wonderful and talented and _actually_ special instead of just born somewhere special …” 

Percy frowns deeply.

“Keyleth I don’t think now is the time to talk about it, but this seems like something we _should_ talk about, as hypocritical as that is coming from me.”

He guides the still half full glass of water back into her hands, she stares at it thoughtfully.

“But if we talk now I won’t overthink everything and it won’t come out wrong like it usually does.”

Vex intervenes.

“Darling, I think what Percy is saying is that you’re not thinking clearly right now, and this is a serious matter and we should all have clear heads before we discuss it.”

Keyleth nods solemnly.

“My head is very clear right now, there’s only a few thoughts going through at a time instead of a million all fighting for my attention, it’s _much_ easier to think right now.”

Vex blows out all her breath in frustration and turns to Percy, ‘ _I am not having a serious conversation right now’_. He clears his throat. 

“Well, while that may be uh Vex and I are not in the same sort of clear-headed state, we’ve partaken in quite a bit of liquor and I believe this is best left until morning.”

It’s not a question, but he doesn’t say it harshly just with his usual amount of firmness and formality that she’s well used to by now.

“Okay that’s good too.”

Vex leans over. “Alright then let’s join the others but no more alcohol for you Keyleth, understood? We’re celebrating but I’d prefer we not have to carry you back to the Keep.”

“I’m not drunk mostly.”

“Uh huh sure you’re not darling, come on let’s get a move on before Pike drinks Vax under the table again, I’d hate to miss that.”

The promised conversation is lost and forgotten amongst a morning of hangover complaints coming from the majority of sleep deprived adventurers. In the weeks that follow nothing seems terribly out of place. They are all still recovering physically and emotionally from the strain of their last mission, the memory of the Dread Emperor still fresh in their minds. Percy is the first one to notice that Keyleth has been uncharacteristically quiet. She has not once come down to see him in his workshop, and he hasn’t seen her go out of her way to help Vex groom Trinket or assist Pike with the final touches on Sarenrae’s shrine. It is odd but not terribly alarming, that is until one evening when she comes late to dinner. Her face is flushed and her eyes are over bright.

“Hello, Keyleth I have not seen much of you recently, are you alright?”’

She giggles and every word comes out measured but unnaturally high-pitched. 

“Of course I am! I’ve been taking care of the garden and working on my herbalism skills. A lot. I’ve been very happy and busy.”

“Oh, well, that’s good to hear I suppose…”

She leans in like a conspirator, “Do you wanna know my secret?”

The pungent smell of whiskey hits his nose.

“I don’t bother people anymore and then I don’t have to worry about being annoying or misunderstood or anything! My garden can’t misunderstand me and I’ve been making…uh herbal drinks that help so that I’m not anxious or lonely and I don’t keep anyone else from being happy, of course I know I can still talk to people, but now I feel like I don’t have to talk all the time b-because before I thought you might forget about me but then I thought you would get tired of me…”

She starts talking faster, stumbling over her words, but she stops herself and immediately takes a gulp of what Percy had originally assumed was water. 

“Is that one of your ‘herbal drinks’?”

“No! I mean yes I mean sort of but…”

“May I try some?”

“No! You can’t I uh I haven’t tested it properly yet!”

“Then you shouldn’t be drinking it either”. He retorts dryly and easily slips the goblet from her grasp.

“Wait don’t!”

He lifts it toward her smiling a little sadly as he confirms his suspicions.

“Cheers”

He takes a sip and very nearly spits it out, the liquor is dark and strong and completely unlike anything he’s seen Keyleth drink before.

“Exactly how much of that have you been drinking?”

“I-I haven’t I mean not much no…not really any at all none!”

His voice gains an extra level of sternness and the volume unintentionally jumps a level.

“Keyleth you and I both know how bad you are at lying.”

“I’m not!”

She stands up from the table too quickly, knocking her chair over and causing everyone present to look up at her, now red faced and almost in tears.

“Percival darling, any particular reason you’ve decided to make Keyleth cry and raise your voice at our…”

She glances toward Grog who is shoveling food into his mouth with both hands and Vax who was moodily pushing vegetables around his plate with a fork until his head popped up at the mention of Keyleth.

“… _Lovely_ dinner table?”

Vax mouths to his twin.

‘ _The fuck is going on?’_

She shrugs.

Percy turns to Keyleth who has both arms wrapped around herself but is too frozen in place by all the eyes trained on her to even try to walk away.

“Will you tell them or shall I?”

She doesn’t answer, she refuses to look at him. 

He sighs and simply passes Keyleth’s drink to Vax who looks equal parts concerned and confused.

“She’s been having a bit too much of that.”

He takes a large swig and immediately spits it out onto their brand-new white tablecloth.

Vex’s left eye twitches involuntarily at the sight but she tries to ignore the stain in favor of a much more important issue. To distract herself, she snatches the goblet from Vax and sniffs the drink expertly, her sharp gaze immediately softens.

“Oh, Keyleth.”

Percy has one gloved hand resting on her shoulder his thumb is rubbing soothing circles onto her skin. Keyleth’s face is buried in her hands so she doesn’t see Vax steal over to wrap his wiry frame around her. 

“Kiki, why didn’t you say anything?”

“I-I didn’t do anything wrong! I just thought…”

Her words are drowned in tears that are quickly becoming gasping sobs.

Vax latches on and he doesn’t let go, Percy’s hand is awkwardly caught in the hug, but he doesn’t quite have the heart to move it. Everyone else is silent. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Slowly but surely Keyleth reveals what she had accidentally told Percy and Vex at the first tavern on their last pub crawl.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry everyone.”

After they listen they all embrace her, except Percy who tends to avoid any and all cuddle piles, so no one is surprised and Keyleth smiles at him from beneath the blanket of limbs. Vax pushes her hair out of her face gently. 

“You shouldn’t apologize Kiki we’re your friends we should have noticed something was wrong.”

“Not necessarily.”

Percy cuts in and Vax immediately glares at him.

“After all none of us can read minds, perhaps we should have known something wasn’t right and perhaps some of us even suspected it, but the real issue here is that you don’t trust us enough to come and ask for help when you need it and that’s not something we can necessarily fix. We can do our very best to listen harder and try to be more aware of how you feel and what makes you comfortable, but the life we’ve chosen is hard and it won’t get easier, we’re not perfect Keyleth, I think we’d like to be for the sake of each other, but the truth is we’re all quite fucked up individuals who get far too caught up in our own shit and in our own heads far too often. And this is a terrible reminder of how easy it would be to lose one another and we simply cannot allow that to happen, so please even if you are not sure what is wrong exactly or how you should say it at least come and find me. I am not quite as good with people as I am with machines but I promise to try.”

By the end of his speech the tips of Percy’s ears are burning red and he is suddenly painfully aware that it is dead quiet and everyone in the room is staring at him. He clears his throat and mutters something about a project, but before he can slip away Vax clamps a hand onto his shoulder bringing him into the group a bit more without pulling him too far out of his comfort zone. 

“Not bad Freddie, didn’t like where you were going at first, but it turned out alright…the only thing you should change is that ending bit.”

He lets of go of Percy and turns to face Keyleth with a serious furrow in his brow. 

“Keyleth, if you are ever tempted to do anything like that again come and find one of us yeah? And if one of us are being an idiot and not listening properly then try to find someone else who can slap some sense into them.”

Percy nods approvingly and Keyleth offers a watery smile. 

The next week is hard, Pike helps Keyleth battle the worst of the withdrawal symptoms. After one or two brief relapses (turns out it’s very difficult to keep an eye on a well-trained druid who can Wild Shape at will) Grog and Scanlan are tasked with replacing every cask of ale and bottle of liquor with tea or juice until further notice. A month or so later, Keyleth is fully sober and a few days after Pike assures them that the worst of it is over. As soon as she gets the all clear Keyleth decides to dig a grave.

They had returned the child’s body to his mother, after they defeated the Dread Emperor, but she still feels the need for a memorial. The morning after, she erects a nameless stone over the mound, and without saying a word to anyone she leaves for her trial with the Earth Ashari. 

Half a year later when she returns, no one speaks of it, but whenever Vox Machina goes on one of their signature pub crawls everyone always makes sure that Keyleth doesn’t have more than one drink and anything she does drink is followed by plenty of water and gentle supervision. Maybe she should have sworn off it completely, but the life they chose is far from easy and she trusts that her friends will look out for her and whenever the urge creeps back she goes down to Percy’s workshop and she doesn’t have to say anything, he just opens the door and invites her in. 


End file.
